Quotes by Will Rogers

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”

“An onion can make people cry, but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”

“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.”

“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.”

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.”

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“I never met a man I didn’t like.”

“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

“If you want to be successful, it’s just this simple: Know what you’re doing, love what you’re doing, and believe in what you’re doing.”

“I’m not a member of any organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”

“Live in such a way that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

“The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what’s the matter—he’s just got to know.”

“The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.”

“The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”

“The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.”

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”

“The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.”

“The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How’s the President?’”

“The minute you read something you don’t understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer.”

“The more I see of people, the more I like my dog.”

“The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”

“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.”

“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”

“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”

“The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.”

“The problem ain’t what people know. It’s what people know that ain’t so that’s the problem.”

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”

“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”

“The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that ain’t so.”

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

“There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading, the few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”

“When you’re through learning, you’re through.”

“You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.”